Copyright (copr) 1999 all rights reserved TJH Internet SP and Earth Operations Central with the exception of "fair use" quotes. Feel free to rant this at the top of your lungs but remember I wrote it.

From - Thu Jul  8 13:54:59 1999
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From: klaatu 
Organization: Earth Operations Central, 1486 #5 Harvard Street NW, Washington DC 20056
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Subject: Re: The new-mint Quarters -- Phrenology reconsidered?
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Date: Thu, 08 Jul 1999 11:08:10 +0000
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"Matthew T. Russotto" wrote:
> In article ,
> solar bear  wrote:
> }
> }You think y'all got problems. Up here we got a one dollar coin with the
> }fucking queen (god bless HER pointy little head) on one side and a loon on
> }the other.  Guess what it's called?  A LOONEY!  Worse still, our two dollar
> }coin is called..wait for it... a TOONEY!
> Here in the US, we call those coins "Half dollar" and "dollar"
> respectively :-).  Though if you pop the middle out of a "tooney" I
> might give you a buck fifty for it.

But I'm really much more concerned about the whole pointed head thingy.

Is this the new numismatic trend, heads of state with pointed heads? Shall we just call them the pointed-heads of state?

I'm really quite disturbed by all of this, there suddenly seems to be a complete dearth of people with normally-shaped rounded heads hereabouts and possibly elsewhere. I keep seeing all of these people running around who've got heads small enough so that you can wrap your hands around them and that's just too small, I guess. Weird weird people with little bitty heads and necks that don't bend right. I just can't quite figure it out. Is this whole thing with the pointed-heads of state on the coins some sinister plot by the Pinks to convince us that the proud and noble (and generally big) Yeti head is to be a thing of the past, revised even from the record of coinage?

Do the ancient and venerable records of the SubGenii tell us that the day is near when the lease on the planet runs out and the Fumigators will come? Why are people with itty-bitty heads and store-bought tans -- who have clearly never used a tool in their life and probably couldn't name the six simple machines much less invent them -- queueing up in lines at the local hardware megastore and loudly discussing price versus warrantee considerations regarding chainsaws, meathook racks, oversized refrigerators and uninterruptable power supplies? Why can't I find any optical fiber, no matter where I shop? Who on earth really needs to wear three pagers and two cellular phones while jogging with their walkman on?

Why do teens dressed as questionable archetypes from late-night MTV gather at my bus stop in baseball caps and chant "tighten up your hatbands yo, big head mofos got to go"? Who is this Yakatizma they keep talking about and where can I buy their albums? And all of a sudden the local minimart makes their coffee waaay too strong. Besides, all of the local Goths are dressing in Pink and wearing "My Little Pony"'s on glittery plastic necklaces and they skip everywhere they go! Something is seriously wrong here. I see mohawk-wearing punkrockers tapping their feet to the music in elevators. My surrealism-generating software accurately describes local politics. Teen-Age Sex Gangs are front-page news and the Washington Post wraps the story around a half-page ad of an angry teen vixen in a tankini for FORTY PERCENT OFF. And aren't people's opposable thumbs supposed to bend the other way? Plus the costume shop says they've got a six month backorder on fake Hallowe'en fangs and I'll just have to grow my own like everyone else.

The price of gold has dropped through the floor to a 50-year low and profit-free companies are trading at a hundred dollars a share. People used to offer to shave my cat for free but now they charge five bucks a pop and there's a line around the block and the cats just sit there in good order and it's just not natural. I have good reasons to believe that help-desks in Richmond Virginia will soon be staffed by Australians, but you can't find any decent kimchee no matter where you look, it's all that nasty store-bought kind with the artificial coloring and preservatives. Plus, just the other day some guy with a pipe offered to make me pay to be told what to believe but I just told him to give me some slack and stop smoking that stuff or the cops would run his ass off to Leavenworth if the shrinks didn't get him first. But then some hubbardites stared him down with their eyes wide shut and he decided he'd better leave while he still had a reputation to defend.

Damn Montgomery County Maryland anyway, I think my beer expired or something.

> --
> Matthew T. Russotto                      

                    "We look through a glass but darkly:
                 What we see is more colored by our beliefs, 
               than what we believe is colored by what we see."
    Be kind to your neighbors, even though they be transgenic chimerae.
Whom thou'st vex'd waxeth wroth:   Meow.